Learning To Write Again

It’s no secret that I haven’t written in a while. I mean, this website stands as an ever-present monument to the lack of writing that has been happening. So, what exactly has been the blocker?

This lockdown has kind of broken my brain in ways I can’t really explain. And I don’t quite know what to do about it. I need to find ways to write more, and get back to being comfortable with my words. At the moment, I am forgetting words, I am losing concentration often, and just feeling generally uninspired.

I know what the fix is too – I need to write more. As bad as it’s going to be, I just need to write. And accept that it’s going to be elementary level for a while until I get used to writing again. Which is an odd position to be in. I mean, when I express my thoughts to Simone, I am so sure I am coming across as still semi-intelligent (at least for me). Yet, trying to turn those thoughts into words that are worth publishing, or even a little funny, is just not happening.

It’s also a very strange commentary on lockdown in general. How much is inspired by what I internalize verse what comes externally? I know most of my thoughts come from outside myself, which I then mull over. In turn, I then use blogging as a way to organise my thinking. But when writing feels like running up hill, how much of my thoughts can I really organise?

Ok, so there are a lot of questions, and I don’t have many answers. For a while, the quality of my blogging will go down, and I apologise for that. It will be really interesting to look back in a year or two’s time and be able to point out the blogs I wrote in lockdown because of their tone or quality. But I will just have to keep writing in order to get better.

At this present moment, my brain feels like a flat tire. Technically it still works, but it’s harder than it should be. I really hope I haven’t lost my quick wit when this is all done. Although some may question that statement! You can even watch it happening in real time if you follow my Instagram. I used to pride myself on well-thought-out captions that pertained to the photo in question. And now? It’s hashtag-city, and not much else.

Ok, so enough mulling over this. The answer is simple. Write more and not care about what is written. Or care a little bit. Care enough to be sure of what I publish. But at the end of the day, just write more. It’s going to be rough. It’s going to be uncomfortable. And it’s going to be hard. After all, writing is a muscle – and I need to start training it again.

Hopefully this post is the first of many in which I come back to writing regularly. And hopefully I get better.