Too Lazy to Change

A few weekends ago, a close friend and I managed to catch up and have a good chat. We haven’t caught up in a while, as life, time zones and just general excuses often got in the way. While chatting to him, I was reminded how easy it should be to have a conversation where you don’t need to watch what you say, least you offend.

During our catch up, he admitted that, as terrible as things were, he is simply too lazy to change. Just too lazy to make life even a little better. It reminds me of a quote I’ve seen which I am about to butcher:
“Give a man access to life’s simple pleasures and he will lose all motivation to better himself.”

As a man, the drive to make things better comes from within ourselves. We see our own failings and that spurs us to action. We change the world by changing ourselves. Through changing (or growing), we change ourselves. And in turn, we change our home environment, our social circle, our community, our city, and eventually the world. This simple fact has been true for the entirety of human civilisation.

And most often the catalyst for change comes from a place of being uncomfortable. No one who is content will ever change. And men are notorious for needing very little to be content. At this stage it’s become a meme on how little men need to be content. Constant and reliable access to sex, food and entertainment results in a man who will live a life of quiet desperation.

And the truth is most men are living lives of quiet desperation. Sitting in front of the TV, longing for something that’s bigger than themselves. As a result, men turn to church, sport, or politics. Anything that has opponents or obstacles to overcome. These tend to be places where men can feel like they’re in a battle. Just look at sports – unfit, overweight, men sitting on the couch and yelling as if they are the ones getting paid millions of dollars for kicking a ball. Look at politics these days – it’s completely devolved into tribalism, where having the wrong opinion will get you ostracised, even by your own side. Men need a battle. Men need to be uncomfortable. This uncomfortableness is the catalyst for change.

This is highlighted very well in the book Wild at Heart. In this book, Eldredge lists three things that men need to truly live – a battle to fight, a beauty to rescue and an adventure to go on. None of these three things are easy. And none of them should be comfortable. After all, a man would sooner remember the dark alleyway he walked down in a foreign country, where he had to be aware of each and every person he encountered, over the week he spent lying on the beach at the spa resort. Sure, one sounds infinitely lot more fun than the other, but the sense of danger and needing to protect those he’s with – that is what will make a man feel alive.

As men, we need to make sure that our lives don’t ever get too comfortable. We need to take risks and we need to experience some form of danger. Thats when we become aware of our shortcomings and where we decide to change, to be better than we have been.
Luckily, the world is full of ‘safe danger’. We just have to get up and take part.